Sex Tape - Who's Yo Mommy I Sony Pictures

Guest Post From MamasLosinIt.com



My husband and I haven’t eaten a meal alone in 6 months.

Blame it on the kids who require around the clock care (who knew!?!). Blame it on the work my husband does online every evening. Blame it on the fact that I stay up late blogging and sharing my deepest, darkest secrets online with strangers.

Blame it on what you like, but the fact of the matter is my husband and I have fallen into a routine that requires zero alone time and I plan to remedy that!

The following is a list of 10 things you can do to keep the romance alive in your marriage!:

1. Give your oldest child a box of cake mix, a can of pumpkin puree, a bowl and a spoon. Instruct her to stir, pour and help her stick them in the oven. Muffins for your love in just 3 steps! (Thanks Pinterest!)

2. Send your husband a thoughtful ecard declaring your undying love.

3. Instagram a photo of your full grocery cart. Caption it, “I bought your favorite Fiber rich cereal!! #AlwaysThinkingOfMyBoo #KeepingTheRomanceAlive”

4. Tell everyone on Facebook your husband is Amazeballs. Share a photo of your wedding day. Pretend it’s not the last photo you have of the two of you together.

5. Start a Pinterest Board called “My Marriage Is Happy” and fill it with quotes about true love and images of people who appear to be in love. Invite your husband to be a contributor to this board.

6. Make a YouTube video talking about all the places you would someday like to visit with your husband. Share it with him (make sure he gives it a thumbs up!!).

7. Send your husband an evite for a party in the laundry room. Have his beer waiting as you both sort through the lights and the darks.

8. Ask your child to design a card covered in hearts with the words “I Love You Honey” written in the middle. Ask her to email the pdf to you and add your signature.

9. Go shopping online for a new outfit. Your husband doesn’t like it when you spend money, but maybe a really cute outfit is just what the romance doctor ordered! How can he resist you in mint chevron!?!

10. Oh for crying out loud just turn off the computer and call a babysitter.
Six months is way too long to ignore a date night with the man you’re spending the rest of your life with!

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Check out more from Mama’s Losin’ It here: http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/

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Keeping the Passion Alive After Children - Guest Post From TinyOranges.com



The moment you have children, or actually, the moment you find out you are pregnant, your sex life changes. Dramatically.

Gone are the days of doing “it” whenever and wherever with your spouse. The freedom alone of early married life was sexy. If someone was in the mood, the opportunity was there. Not anymore. Add in the stress of juggling kids, work, social obligations, and sex can easily slip down to the last item on your priority list.

But you can, I am telling you, you can, it just takes a little work.

Although sex is likely the last thing you want to think about after a 12 hour day of blood, sweat and tears with the kids, you just might have to. Here’s why.

Sex is important in marriage. Sex with your husband is the one special thing that the two of you share on this planet. It bonds you, connects you. It is what differentiates you from being friends or roommates. My husband and I have been married for almost thirteen years, and our sex life has changed as our lives have changed. Yes, it’s not the same, but there are ways to keep the passion alive, even after kids.

My Top 5 Tips to Gettin’ It On, Parent Style

1. Just do it.
This one is simple. You might not feel like it, but you will (hopefully) be so glad you did. Muster up any energy you can and again, just do it. The more you do it, the more you want to.

2. Rethink timing.
After you get the kids to bed is most often the only time available for some loving. Unfortunately this is also the time you are most likely to be completely and utterly exhausted. Therefore, open your mind to other opportunities. Are you both up early and the kids are asleep? Lock the door and make it a quickie. Going out for a date night? Hire the sitter to come an hour early to take the kids to the park while you, um, “get ready.” Are the kids gone at a play date or birthday party on a Saturday? Yes, I know you have to run to Target and get that birthday present and he has to go to Home Depot for who knows what, but if the kids are out of the house and you are alone, do it! Want to really spice things up? Do it in another room! I know, gettin’ a little crazy here.

3. Get away together.
I cannot stress the importance of this one. First off, hotel sex is always great. Right? Being physically away from the kids alone is an aphrodisiac. It doesn’t have to be a full on vacation, but if you are lucky enough to have friends or grandparents that will take the kids for an overnight, get away every now and again.

4. A word about threesomes.
Not that kind of threesome, the married couple’s other third partner, the cell phone. Or, actually it’s probably more like a foursome. How many of us lie in bed and look at our phones? Guilty. I am not going to be all high and mighty telling you to ban the cell phone from bed, but simply be aware if you are looking at your phone you are not looking at your partner. Agree to put the phones down and see what happens.

5. Work on being your best sexy self.
When you feel healthy and good about your body, it is easier to want to share it with your partner. Exercising and taking your care of yourself inspires a better sex life. Figure out what makes you feel most attractive and rock it. Is it a new piece of lingerie? New haircut? Spray tan? Do what you need to do to feel your sexiest. Because after all, there is nothing quite more sexy than confidence.


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Check out more from Tiny Oranges here: http://www.tinyoranges.com

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Guest Post from IROCKSOWHAT.com



Sometimes I get asked about Josh’s time in the military and how we all handled it. Of course, it was so freaking challenging at first, but it became our norm and you then you just end up living day to day. I missed my husband a lot, but thanks to technology I got to see him often enough through video and voice chats.

I don’t know a military spouse alive that doesn’t have some embarrassing video chat story to tell. If your spouse is one of the lucky ones to have internet in his dorm while deployed, you basically signed yourself up to be someone’s personal stripper. What you do for love, and in our case, not seeing each other for 7 months. I can’t tell you how many times I had to flash my boobs for the computer (actually, it probably happened at least once every single time we’d video chat, didn’t matter if he used the public computers or not). For one, I’m literally the most unsexiest and awkward person ever- so sorry for that emotionless boob show, husband!

I’m thankful for the ability to actually see my husband during that period of our lives. It made him being deployed a bit easier for all of us. Not only did I get to see my husband, but our baby was able to be more familiar with his dad’s face and voice. It wasn’t perfect, but I feel lucky that I live in a time where technology is there to keep families together, and also boobs.


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Check out more from IROCKSOWHAT here: http://www.irocksowhat.com

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Guest Post From EmphasisAdded.com



My husband grew up 5 houses down from me. He was my best friend’s big brother but I never really knew him back then. He was older, cooler. We didn’t connect until many years later. I was living in NY. Simon was in Chicago. My friend mentioned that it was Simon’s birthday, and that was all the excuse I needed….

Totally out of the blue, I sent Simon an email. A quick little note (Hi! Remember Me?) and then, the warmest response back from him (Hi Stranger!). And so began the story of “us.” Our long distance relationship unfolded over email. Notes sent all day, everyday (how did I possibly get any work done during this courtship). We got to know each other and fell in love in each other’s inbox. I look back on these emails from time to time…(virtual) folders full of love notes, a modern day shoebox under the bed.

Thousands of emails, 10 years and 2 Children later. The tone of our emails has shifted towards….life. As we have grown, so have our emails. Love poems replaced by pdfs of Mortgage statements. Recent subject lines of emails from my husband:

Claim 300092XX

Temporary Residence - utility payment

Ice buildupon downspout between 1338 & 1340 

HVAC Install with crane at 1343 on Friday

Hazel’s SSN

Fwd: Simon, “The League” Season 3 is now on Netflix

That’s not to say there is no romance in these administrative exchanges (well ok, maybe these emails aren’t exactly bursting with poetic affection)…but there is care…the care and love of taking on/handling annoying life tasks for our family. With each new stage of our relationship, we assume new roles and take on new responsibilities. This is reflected in the emails we send and receive.

But it’s not all business in the inbox - my husband still eFlirts with me from time to time. My favorite is when he surprises me with calendar invites for date nights. Unprompted, the invite lands and makes the date feel official, which makes me feel loved (who doesn’t want a dude who makes a reservation for his wife!) And then, usually a few minutes later, he sends a follow-up email about possible babysitters. Ah, parenthood.

Time & Tech changes some things…but makes others possible.


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Check out more from Emphasis Added! here: http://emphasisadded.tumblr.com/

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Me Against the Robocat - Guest Post from SomedayIllLearn.com



I have a toddler, a baby and one more on the way. My husband and I are overwhelmed with joy at this life we lovingly created, but the funny thing about love and babymaking is that it leads to a lot less lovemaking. The moments where we used to whisper, “Oh baby” are suddenly replaced with actual babies.

It’s not that we don’t want to have those intimate moments anymore, but it requires a lot more orchestration than it used to. Spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is out because the floor is covered in breakfast cereal. If I feel a suspiciously warm body part press against me in the middle of the night…it’s probably a toddler foot. And when we finally manage a minute alone (and I do mean a minute), I have to be careful not to get too into itand go above a decibel or two, lest my son start screaming over his monitor, “Oh noes! What wrong? Why mommy yelling?!?”

Oh noes, indeed. Speaking of technology, the bells and whistles of the 21st century sure haven’t increased our in-person connections. After a long day of blogging and emailing and Skyping, it drives me nuts to head off to bed a few minutes early only to find my husband streaming videos. I’ve got some crazy sexy moves, but the cat on a robovaccuum will best me every time. This is why we have a strict rule against television and phones in bed.

Instead of viral surfing, I like to invite Nate to go bed surfing. With all our social media outlets on our phones and computers, I wouldn’t say we ever want to risk making an ‘at home movie’…but our video would definitely go viral.

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Check out more from Someday I’ll Learn here: http://somedayilllearn.com

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Texting Translations



1: Miss you?
She texts, “Miss you”?
She means, “Why am I always the one who’s home to mop up vomit?”

He texts, “Miss you”.
He means, “I should really start keeping naked photos of you on my phone”.


2: OTW
He texts, “OTW home. Can I pick up anything”?
He means, “I haven’t left yet. I need an excuse. Give me a task so you don’t realize how late I am”


3: I love you
She texts, “Love you”.
She means, “Please text me back. I need something at the store.


4. Where are you?
She texts, “Where are you?”
She means, “Unless you fell in a well, you better be pulling into the driveway because this is getting real. Your children are monsters”.

5. Hi
He texts, “Hi”
He means, “Please fall into my trap and text me back, so I can make sure you read this next text full of bad news”

6. Hiya
He texts, “Hiya”
He means, “I’m drunk. What are you wearing?”

7. Hello?
She texts, “Hello?”
She means, “WTF. Where have you been?”

8. R#!@I$%g&&kjq!!!!!
She texts, “R#!@I$%g&&kjq!!!!!”
She means, “Your son just threw up in my hair. Again. I need backup”

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First I Love You



First off, it wasn’t as much “I love you” as it was an expletive littered gush of uncontrollable and sometimes unintelligible emotion. Jay and I always have had a knack for unromantic moments. This one was definitely one of them.

We were 22. In college. In love. And in bed.

I didn’t see it coming. He said it first, actually. Which I am sure is a rare thing. Guys don’t tend to be so bold, but now that I look back I think he may have been confused. Or inebriated. Or both.

Maybe it was the cheap booze. Or the fact I had a pretty sweet apartment overlooking the quad. I don’t think I’ll ever know. But suddenly, I knew Jay was the one. He had me at the first “I love you”.

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Guest Post From ReallyAreYouSerious.com



Marriage is hard work. Add kids, work, pets, a house, friends and family to the mix and it’s sort of amazing to think that people enter into this union willingly!

Marriage is also amazing. You have your best friend right by your side, supporting, encouraging and loving you. In our case, we connect best when we do things together. Not necessarily traditional things like going on a date, but working together for a common goal.

Most people will harp on technology and how it has killed the passion in their relationship. Of course, that can definitely be true. But, there are some ways that technology can help keep the passion alive in a marriage. Yep, I’m sure you will find tons of people telling you how technology is so bad and how we shouldn’t use it is, but hey, there are some perks, too.
Exercise. It’s important to take care of our bodies and it’s best done with an accountability partner. Who better to use than your spouse? So, after the kiddos are put to bed, we clear the living room floor, change in to something a little more comfortable and put in that exercise DVD. We find something that will work for both our levels and strengths and spend the next 30 minutes sweating together. Sometimes we talk about our day (if we can talk) and other times, it’s just making it through the workout. But, we get it done together and have all of the happy exercise endorphins after. Happy endorphins? They lead to happy people. And happy people tend to have more passion, at least in my experience.

Want to keep the passion alive? Do things together that matter to you and matter to your spouse. And, it’s okay if some technology is involved.

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Check out more from Really, Are You Serious? here: http://www.reallyareyouserious.com/

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Science Projects: Your Kid Didn’t Make That



I have a beef to air. I think we as a parenting whole are way too competitive. Not just with our kids, but each other.

The other day, my son Clive had a Science Fair. He made something miserably sloppy and sure, I was a bit disappointed he didn’t discover anything revelatory and lock in that college scholarship, but he’s in elementary school.

It’s not to say Jay and I aren’t active parents. We’re totally on board. I always encourage him and make sure he does all his homework. But sometimes it gets too much. The kid has to learn on his own. And I wasn’t going to do the project and send the message to my kid that what I would deem is cheating is okay.

The Science Fair was insane. Some of these kids are super smart. But others are just being coopted by some super ambitious parents. Why, people?

Isn’t it better that our kids do it themselves? Would love your thoughts, Internet. Bring it.

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Hot and Bothered - Guest Post From MommyEnnui.com



As a writer whose life is an open blog, I’m often asked for advice on a number of sensitive subjects. Luckily, I have no shame. Today’s topic is how to spice up your relationship after those white-hot first months as a couple have passed. I’ve found that social media and electronic technology are wonderful tools for staying connected with your partner, which will enhance your relationship both in and outside the bedroom.

Below, you’ll find a handful of sexy tips along with real life examples from my own 16-year marriage to the handsome and talented Ad Man. I don’t mean to brag, but as you’ll see, our sex life is still smokin’ hot even after two kids and many long years together. Here are some things that have been successful for us:

1. We try to keep our lines of communication open at all times.

(photo above)

2. We surprise each other with flirty text messages during the day. For example, I’ll entice him with something like:



Ad Man’s texts rarely vary, but they never fail to get me all hot and bothered. Two of my favorites are:



3. I take photos and email them to him at work so he feels more connected with the girls and I at home. Here’s one from a few years ago…



4. Because Ad Man is often out of town for business, he posts photos on Instagram so it’s almost like I’m there with him. Almost.



5. Sometimes we even bring technology into the bedroom.



6. I’ve taken advantage of Facetime and Skype to have intimate conversations with Ad Man while he’s on the road. I don’t have video, but a few months ago I called him via Facetime late at night, all wet and completely nude. Our conversation went something like this…

“I’m running around naked because your daughter just barfed all over her bed, herself and me! Why doesn’t this shit ever happen when you’re home?!”

Well, I hope you’ve picked up a few tips for using technology to help keep your sex life fresh and exciting. These are just a few examples of what has worked for my marriage. I’m sure you’ll think of many others. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go text a sultry photo of my bare derriere covered in mosquito bites as yet another reminder to my dear husband that if he doesn’t call the exterminator tomorrow, he’ll be sleeping in the back yard. Yep, we’re sexy like that.

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Check out more from MommyEnnui here: http://www.mommyennui.com/

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